POLISH REMOVER!

I heard about a Polish man who recently emigrated to the USA and got married to an American Lady. But, he has a poor understanding of the English language!

One day, he rushed to his lawyer and asked him to arrange a quick divorce between himself and his wife, as he doesn’t trust her anymore. The lawyer was very surprised, because he knew them to be deeply in love with each other, and he tried his best to persuade the man to have a rethink on his demand, all to no avail.

Eventually, the lawyer yielded to his client’s demand, and the following conversation later ensued between them.

Lawyer: Do you think you have a good ground for this divorce?

Polish man: Yes, I do. I have an acre and a half of good ground at home.

Lawyer: No, I mean do you think this case has a good foundation?

Polish man: Of course, I do. I am sure its foundation was made of concrete like all good foundations.

Lawyer: Do you have a good relationship with your wife these days?

Polish man: Please, she is not my relation. All my relations are in Poland.

Lawyer: Is there any infidelity in your marriage?

Polish man: Yes, we have a hi-fidelity stereo set, and a good DVD player.

Lawyer: Is your wife a nagger?

Polish man: No she is white.

Lawyer: Why do you desperately want this divorce to come through?

Polish man: Because she wants to kill me, and I don’t want to die yet.

Lawyer: Kill you? What proof have you?

Polish man: Very simple; she bought something from the supermarket this morning on which POLISH REMOVER is boldly written. I believe she wants to use it to remove me from this world.

Lawyer: Are you kidding me? Do you understand my English at all?

Polish man: (Now angry) Please, I am not a kid, and I understand English very well!

*Attention please: This joke is only meant to brighten your day; it has nothing to do with religion. Thank you.

Dr Stoney is the author of author of About God! Undeniable Facts & Testimonies. and The Prayers That Speak!.

THIS CAMERA HAS GONE REALLY MAD!

I heard about this man who drove into an intersection, which was being monitored by a camera. If anyone exceeds the speed limit, or breaks the law in any way, it will take his or her photograph, and he or she will receive a ticket in the mail as punishment within a few days.

Being a previous offender himself, the man went through the intersection very slowly and carefully, to avoid breaking the law and getting penalized again. But, to his surprise, the camera flashed, and he said ‘this cannot be right, the camera shouldn’t have flashed. After all, I drove my car far below the prescribed speed limit. I am sure something went wrong somewhere’.

Immediately, he turned his car round, and drove through the same intersection even more slowly. Once again, the camera flashed, and took his photograph. At that time, he shouted ‘this camera has really gone mad. Why should it flash against a law abiding citizen? I am going to challenge this injustice in court to the highest level’.

So, out of spite, and in order to ‘gather enough facts’ against the government, he turned his car round, and drove through the intersection three more times, each time he went ridiculously below the speed limit, waved at the camera, stuck out his tongue, and grinned from ear to ear. Having satisfied himself to the hilt, he went home to relax, and ruminate over the possibility of challenging and defeating the government once and for all, as well as winning a generous compensation in the end. He even thought about what he would spend his compensation on.

Three days later, he received five (5) tickets in the mail for driving his car without using his seat belt.

*Attention please: This joke is only meant to brighten your day; it has nothing to do with religion. Thank you.

Dr Adedayo Stoney Adegbulu is the author of About God! Undeniable Facts & Testimonies

YOUR HORSE JUST CALLED!

I heard about this man who was quietly reading the newspaper, legs crossed, and really enjoying himself in his family living room. Suddenly, his wife came in, and hit him real hard on the head with a frying pan. The following conversation then ensued between them.

Husband: (Surprised and in pain, shouted) Honey, what was that for?

Wife: That was for the piece of paper I found in your pocket, with the name Sandra Richards boldly written on it.

Husband: Oh, come off it darling, that is just one the horses I bet on at the race track last week.

Wife: I am so, so, sorry love. Please forgive me; I will never hit you again.

Husband: That is fine honey; you almost killed me though.

Two days later, as he was brushing his teeth in the bathroom, his wife came in, and hit him very hard on the head with a bigger frying pan.

Husband: Honey, not again; what was that for?

Wife: YOUR HORSE JUST CALLED!

*Attention please: This joke is only meant to brighten your day; it has nothing to do with religion. Thank you.

Dr Adedayo Stoney Adegbulu is the author of About God! Undeniable Facts & Testimonies

ACHIEVEMENTS ARE REWARDED IN HEAVEN!

I heard about two men that died and arrived in Heaven almost at the same time. As expected, they joined the queue of people waiting for their afterlife apparels, and allocation to either Heaven or Hell.

The first man appeared in torn, dirty, faded jeans, and had loads of thick golden chains on his neck, wrists, and ankles. He also had numerous golden rings on his fingers, and wore a very loud golden wrist watch. He looked very much like someone who lived a carefree life on earth.

When he got to the front of the queue, the angel on duty looked at him, and said ‘your name is MIKE GIDDY 0-TEN; taxi driver, New York City’. Afterwards, He (the Angel) smiled, and gave him a dazzling white garment, a golden crown, golden pair of shoes, and a golden staff. After that, He said welcome home son!

Next was the second man! He looked very neat, sober, and righteous. The Angel looked at him, and said ‘your name is Most Reverend Donald Clean; Senior Pastor in charge of Clean House Ministries, New York City’. Then, He gave him an ordinary white garment, a white cap, a pair of white sandals, and a wooden staff. Lastly, He said welcome home son!

Immediately, the Reverend gentleman lost his temper, and said ‘Hey Angel, what do you think you are doing? Why should you give that man great stuffs, and me trash?

Calmly, the Angel replied as follows: ‘Son, I haven’t done anything wrong! Here we reward people based on their achievements. This man did more for Heaven, because while he drove, people prayed, but while you preached, people slept!

*Attention please: This joke is only meant to brighten your day; it has nothing to do with religion. Thank you.

Dr Adedayo Stoney Adegbulu is the author of About God! Undeniable Facts & Testimonies

TWO SIDES OF EVOLUTION!

I heard about this little boy who asked his mother to explain how human beings came into existence. A little bit taken aback, the woman told him how God created Adam and Eve, and how they had their children, and how their children had their own children, and so on.

A few days later, the young lad also approached his father, and asked him to explain how human beings came into existence. The man kind of laughed, and said, ‘son, men evolved from monkeys’. After that, he explained how over the ages, monkeys began to look and behave more and more like the present-day human beings, until they became full blown human beings.

At that point, the boy became really confused and needed further clarification. So, he ran to his mum, and the following conversation ensued between them.

Son: Mum, how come you told me human beings were created by God through Adam and Eve, but Dad said human beings evolved from monkeys? Now, I am really very confused! Who do I believe? Mummy, please say something!

Mother: (Smiling) Son, you don’t have to be confused; both of us are right, so, believe us! I only gave you the history of my own side of the family, while your Daddy gave you his!

*Attention please: This joke is only meant to brighten your day; it has nothing to do with religion. Thank you.

Dr Adedayo Stoney Adegbulu is the author of About God! Undeniable Facts & Testimonies

SHALL WE GATHER AT THE RIVER!

I heard about this Minister, he was finishing a powerful sermon on self-control. With great passion, he said “if I have all the beer in the world, I will throw it into the river’’. With a greater intensity, he said “if I have all the wine in the world, I will throw it into the river’’.  Almost on top of his voice, he said “if I have all the whiskey in the world, I will throw it into the river’’, and sat down!  Immediately, the song leader stood up, cleared his throat, and said “brethren our closing song this morning is hymn 419, “SHALL WE GATHER AT THE RIVER’’.

*Attention please: This joke is only meant to brighten your day; it has nothing to do with religion. Thank you.

Dr Adedayo Stoney Adegbulu is the author of About God! Undeniable Facts & Testimonies

YOUR GUESS IS AS GOOD AS MINE!

I heard about this elderly woman who attended a church service one Sunday morning. On getting to the Church, one of the ushers came to her excitedly, and led her to a seat not very far from the front row. The following conversation later ensued between the usher and the elderly woman.

Usher: This is a very good place mam; I believe you’ll like it. Please do enjoy the service!

Elderly woman: (Unimpressed) Excuse me my daughter, but I don’t like this place! I want to sit in the front row, beside the pastor.

Usher: (Laughing) But, Mam that is not possible! The front row is specifically reserved for the Pastor, his family, and certain elders of the church. Not for people like you!

Elderly woman: Miss Usher, do you by any chance, know who I am?

Usher: No mam; I don’t!

Elderly woman: Well, I am the Pastor’s mother; a very senior member of his family!

Usher: (Now very fidgety) Mam, do you by any chance know who I am?

Elderly woman: No, I don’t. And I don’t think I have seen you before either!

Usher: (Elated) Thank God for that! (Then she took to her heals, and disappeared from the vicinity).

Did I hear you say why? Well, your Guess is as good as mine!

*Attention please: This joke is only meant to brighten your day; it has nothing to do with religion. Thank you.

Dr Adedayo Stoney Adegbulu is the author of About God! Undeniable Facts & Testimonies